A cheating husband who does not have sex with his wife is not to blame for the failure of their marriage, an Italian court ruled.
Rome judges of the Cassation Court, the country’s highest, ruled that husband Filiberto’s ‘continued’ philandering and ‘total lack of interest’ in having sex in his wife didn’t cause the breakup of their over 30-year union. Wife Monica (full names are not supplied in sentences to protect privacy) is entitled to a 250 e. monthly alimony check because of the no-fault ruling.

As author James M. Henslin pointed out in “Marriage and Family in a Changing Society,” until recent reforms in Catholic countries the only way to get a divorce was to prove adultery, because it meant ‘breaking a central property right, sexual access.’

The sentence delivers a jolt to the traditional stance of Italian wives who close an eye or two on their partner’s dallying to save the marriage. Because his wife accepted to live in a sexless marriage and knew of her husband’s affairs, the relationship was bound to deteriorate and fall apart, reasoned judges.

Another recent Cassation sentence also underlined that all is not fair in love and war, at least not in Italian marriages. The court sentenced a snooping husband and his accomplice friends to jail for tapping his wife’s phone, hoping to catch her cheating. Though he said he was trying to ‘preserve the unity of the family’ by keeping tabs on his partner, the judges ruled that the nosy trio had violated the woman’s privacy. The three men were sentenced to eight months in prison. ?1999-2003 zoomata.com

by Nicole Martinelli
posted Thu 10 July 9:38 am

Big, fat traditional Italian weddings have become so expensive that would-be brides and grooms are begging, borrowing and, yes, stealing to have enough money for the big day.

Recent nuptial-related crimes include a couple in Rome who were caught with fake scratch-off lottery tickets trying to save enough to say ‘I do’ in 50 euro increments (they’d managed to get 1,400 euro so far) and a groom in Turin who stole money from the bride to pay for all that pomp. She reportedly asked for a divorce after seeing the state of her bank account.

Italians aren’t having big families anymore but that doesn’t keep them from having big weddings — and more of them. After a downward trend in weddings in the 1980s, the last few years have registered a boom (about 3,000 more couples each year than the previous year) in those taking the big step. All those relatives, a five-course meal, wedding favors, a designer dress, an exotic honeymoon: at 25,000 euro the ‘average’ Italian wedding is anything but when compared to the $18,000 to $21,000 spent in the US. The stretch? An average Italian income is $7,600 less than a US counterpart.

Not only are the weddings a financial burden, but sometimes the planning lasts longer than the marriage itself. Italian couples are prone to long engagements (averaging almost five years) and the trend seems to be lengthening.

“Let’s see — we were engaged for seven years, officially for a year and a half,” marketing consultant Susanna Carazza, 31, told zoomata. “The marriage was over in about 18 months…I get a little queasy every time I think about how much it cost.”

Carazza says the cost of ‘doing things right’ was unexpectedly high — from the 500 euro donation to the church, the 3,000 euro spent on her dress and the 4,000 euro spent on a the video and an endless series of posed photographs in a nearby castle — her estimate for the total cost is more like 30,000 euro.

The expense has become so high that the Italian government is working to change tax laws to make wedding costs tax deductible, but more young Italians are avoiding marriage altogether. Italy still has the lowest rate of couples living together in Europe — but that figure has nearly doubled in the last decade to 344,000 partners between 25-40 years old.

The general wedding fever might explain the unexpected success in Italy of plodding reality TV show ‘Marry Me Now,’ which was criticized heavily before it even aired by parent groups and religious associations. Despite the misleading title — Italians cannot legally be married in a TV studio — it regularly creamed the competition, the equally plodding local version of ‘The Bachelor.’ Organizers have announced that this nuptial farce will be a fixture in the RAI’s fall schedule.@1999-2008 this is an original news story. Play nice. Please use contact form for reprint/reuse info.

Related resources:
Abbondanza! Planning an Italian Wedding

Italian City of Venice Helps Couples Wed

Italy’s First Gay Union

by Nicole Martinelli
posted Thu 8 May 10:07 am

In a country where one of the harshest insults remains ‘cuckold,’ an Italian judge recently ruled that run-of-the-mill affairs don’t warrant any special remuneration for the spouse who was cheated on.

Electrician Mario N. took his wife’s lover — and employer — to court in Milan seeking 300,000 euro in emotional damages caused by the tryst. While the judge found that his wife’s extramarital activities fault her for divorce, the ‘ordinary’ way the affair was conducted meant her husband wasn’t eligible for damages.

The ruling’s a long way away from Italian film classic "Divorce, Italian Style" where eternal playboy Marcello Mastroianni plots his wife’s adultery then gets away with killing her for a ‘crime of honor’ — it seems Italian spouses are now expected to tolerate a certain amount of discreet philandering.
Judge Bianca La Monica’s sentence made a distinction between ‘regular clandestine affairs,’ which qualify for fault in divorce but that don’t cause "serious damage" to the cheated on partner. And, more importantly, that the lover couldn’t be held responsible for the infidelity of a wife who apparently did more than just dust the bookshelves at her employer’s home.

Perhaps the judge is just trying to make furious husbands to accept what’s commonplace — a recent poll of Italian women found that 69% said cheating is an equal-opportunity sport for both partners and 23% of those who have cheated did so because their man "wasn’t good in bed." Interesting to see whether the ruling will have other consequences — a wife was fined 500 euro in 2001 for calling her husband ‘cuckold’ (cornuto), the judge in the case ruling that the term constituted slander. Zoomata is the brainchild of a bilingual journalist, based in Italy, who thinks out of the box. This brain is for hire.

Related resources:
Italy by Numbers: Quicker Divorce

Italy by Numbers: Bad Cooking=Road to Divorce

It?s tough being a young Italian in love?there?s just no privacy. Ask the 90 percent of Italians between the ages of 20 and 24 who still live at home. As a result, Italians will do it anywhere, especially in the car.

But while surveys say 88 percent of Italians have car-copulated at least once, back-seat sex has continued to come under fire from officials.
In 1999, one Italian court even ruled that unless the car windows are covered up it can be considered an obscene act. (Italy?s sexier streets and parking lots have since seen a huge rise in ad hoc entrepreneurs selling newspapers to drape over the windshield.)
Finally, it seems some local governments are coming around, too. Next month the town of Vinci in Tuscany will become home to Italy?s first ?Love Park.? The town?s mayor, Giancarlo Faenzi, appropriately announced the plans on Valentine?s Day, and efforts are currently underway to make good on his word by mid-April.
But don?t expect Italians to come running to this official love shack right away?it?s not exactly the height of romance, involving some ?minor adjustments? to a sports-center parking lot on the outskirts of town. The minor adjustments: soft lights, extra trash cans and condom dispensers to provide a love haven away from home.
Still, Italians may come to appreciate their new getaway when they remember the alternatives: either the local polizia looking over their shoulder as they sneak their lover a kiss, or Mama watching every move as she makes more manicotti.

(This article, by zoomata.com editor Nicole Martinelli, originally appeared in Newsweek.)

?1999-2004 zoomata.com

Zoomata is the brainchild of a bilingualjournalist based in Italy who thinks out of the box. This brain is for hire.