First Person: Real Life In Italy

Each month we introduce you to someone who has made the dream of picking up and moving to the Bel Paese a reality.
In their own words they share the good parts, the bad parts and the just plain absurd moments of day-to-day life in Italy.

Looking to move to Italy? Try the reader-recommended Survivor Package
If you live in Italy, we would love to hear your story–Contact form

ID Card: James Stunell. Director of Studies, teacher, translator and mountain guide.
Age: 33

Currently living in: Vico Equense — Sorrento Peninsula

By way of: Born in Oxford, England, grew up in the Cotswolds, university in Leicester, England, then moved to Koblenz, Germany.

How (or why) did you get here from there?
Well, I was (and am) a total Germanophile. I absolutely adore Germany and all things German but feared that I was becoming somewhat narrow-minded. Italy is about as far away as you can get from the Teutonic mindset, so I thought that would be a good place to start. I was also a big fan of Italian cuisine and was very much in love with Cecilia Bartoli, the Roman mezzo-soprano, and I quite fancied coming down here to chance my arm at finding my own Cecilia. I didn’t find a Cecilia, but I found a Giovanna; same raven hair, same eyes you could drown in. She can’t sing for toffee, but she cooks like a dream and, personally, I find that a fair swap.

What role did language skills play in your experience?
Oh, they were central, and a major motivation for coming here. I was lucky that I already spoke fluent German and had more than a smattering of French, so I was able to pick up Italian fairly quickly. I had no Italian at all when I stepped off the plane, which made it all rather fun!

Your biggest challenge:
Not to be driven insane by the mindless, nit-picking bureaucracy that accompanies the simplest of transactions, from opening a bank account to buying a mobile phone.

What do you still have to get used to/learn?
I have yet to understand the Italian obsession with the motor car. Not only will they spend hour after hour in traffic just to avoid walking 200 metres, but they will actually drive around all evening simply as a way of spending time! It’s got to the stage now where I avoid telling people where or when I?m planning to travel. You can bet that they will know someone who knows someone else who?s going there too, and then it will take all my powers of diplomacy to get out of being given a lift, without causing offense. You see, Italians are as baffled by my attitude to cars as I am by theirs. And I still have to get used to the way in which they classify people of different ages. In England, I would be considered as fast approaching middle-age. Here, I am “un giovane.” If I were to commit a crime and my physog ended up in the local paper, I would no doubt be referred to as “il ragazzo” throughout the accompanying article. And anyone under the age of 18 is a “ragazzino.”

Compare an aspect of your town (or other place you’ve lived) to current town:
How can you compare the Cotswolds, the Rhineland and the Neapolitan Riviera? They are about as different as it?s possible to be! I suppose one thing that the Cotswolds and the Neapolitan Riviera have in common is that they are both staggeringly beautiful areas that are taken far too much for granted by the people who live there. The Germans are much better at appreciating what they have got than are the Brits or the Italians.

Latest pursuits: www.sorrentowalks.it – My latest project involves taking tourists for mountain walks in the Monti Lattari on the Sorrento Peninsula. We all end up going for lunch in a trattoria somewhere and have a really super day out.

A preconceived notion about Italians/Italy that is not true:
O.K. Let?s be fair. One positive and one negative. For one thing, it’s not true that Italian public transport is a disaster. It’s actually very good indeed. I know I speak as a citizen of the country with the worst public transport system in the Western world, but even so. On the other hand, Italians have the reputation of being a musical people. They are not. Although I live close to Naples and, therefore have a sneaking admiration for Neapolitan singer/songwriter Pino Daniele (His strummings do add a certain je ne sais quoi to a diner-?-deux on a terrace overlooking the Med), there isn’t anything on the Italian musical landscape that isn’t bland, cloying, self-indulgent codswallop. And it’s everywhere! Supermarkets, lifts, weddings, christenings. I haven’t yet had the misfortune to have to go to an Italian funeral, but I’m sure it’s there too! How did the people who gave us Rossini, Bellini, Puccini and Verdi reduce themselves to this level of musical incompetence? Gosh, what an outburst!

A preconceived notion about Italians/Italy that is true:
Again, a plus and a minus. The families are very close-knit. I love that.
There?s always a special occasion to go to and you cannot beat the simple pleasures of an Italian family meal. Their whole attitude to good food in good company is absolutely spot-on ? something we have unfortunately lost in the north. And, of course, it means that there is always a butcher, a baker and a candlestick-maker in the family to give you the sort of service that you won’t find in Italy without connections. The minus? It’s absolutely true that organisation is not one of the Italians’ strengths.

Your response to the following question: “I really want to live here, but I don’t speak Italian or have a job. What do you think?”
Go ahead and do it. People aren’t intrepid enough these days. Once upon a time (and it wasn’t that long ago) people would just hop on a plane and hope for the best. Now they want everything organised beforehand, right down to the colour of the wallpaper in their flat. But two words of advice: make sure that you’re in love with the reality of Italy and not the dream. Being on holiday is not the same as living here. And when you get here, make an effort to learn the language. I get so tired of people who come out here and complain that it’s difficult to make friends with Italians. Well of course it is if you’re expecting them to communicate in a foreign language in their free time!

How would you sum up your Italian experience in a word (and why)?
“Surprising”. After all, if you?d asked me 15 years ago what I would be doing in 2002, I’d have replied “Cycling around Munich in the sunshine, stopping occasionally for a beer and a bratwurst”. That would have been nice too,but I have no regrets.

Italy’s best-kept secret?
You?ll laugh at this, but it has to be the barber’s shop. Not one of those poncey new salons, but a real, traditional barber’s shop with white walls, cut-throat razors and neon fly-zapper. What could be more relaxing than being shaved while listening to the lulling tones of crusty locals discussing sex, football, philosophy, religion, more sex, more football? In fact, sometimes I’ll grow a beard just for the pleasure of having it shaved off again by Giacomo, my local barber!

Looking to move to Italy? Try the reader-recommended Survivor Package
If you live in Italy, we would love to hear your story–Contact form

ID Card: Jonathan Blosser. In Italy for 11 years, I work as a maintenance schedule manager for an Italian multiservice firm (government contractor).
I was born abroad to American parents in the United Arab Emirates. For the first five years of my life I was exposed to several cultures and languages which, I’m sure, formed much of my personality and predisposed me to learning languages. I went to kindergarten in a British school and then we moved back to the US in July of 1976.

Currently living in: Sicily (Province of Catania)

By way of: South Central Pennsylvania

How (or why) did you get here from there?
I completed a 5-year obligation to the US Navy at Naval Air Station Sigonella. I fell in love immediately (with Sicily), but it took another year for me to meet and fall in love with a Sicilian. After our wedding we moved to PA, but my wife didn’t seem to like snowy winters and the fact that an ocean lay between us and her mom, dad, 5 brothers and 2 sisters, so we packed up and came back after only 9 months.

What role did language skills play in your experience?
It was absolutely indispensable. My first day in Sicily I remember thinking to myself “There is no way I’m going to live here for 3 years without speaking the language!” From there, I dove head first into the language and culture. I knew that I would never understand the culture fully without knowing the language , but I also discovered that the opposite is true. Unless you understand the culture, your ability to speak the language will always be limited to a scholastic level and never “ring true” to the locals. You’ll be able to communicate, but you’ll always feel like the odd one out when you don’t understand the humor in a joke or when you miss the subtle nuance of a double entendre.

Your biggest challenge: Employment, but I never let it stop me. My “cumpari” (the best man at my wedding) still tells people about how I came back from the States and was already working the next day. I was only making about $600.00 a month, but somehow I was making it work. I worked under the table for at least 5 different employers making more or less the same wage for about 5 years until I finally landed my current job through a recommendation by a friend, but in the meantime I took advantage of my language and people skills and spent all of my free time trying to turn a buck. I would broker automobile sales between Italians and US Service members and at one point I even had a pretty decent business going procuring car parts for US spec vehicles (until my stateside supplier liquidated his store!).

What do you still have to get used to/learn? My identity crisis. The cross I bear is that I adapted impeccably. Because I blend in too well, sometimes I feel obliged to bring up the fact that I’m not from here and that invariably leads to a complicated explanation about who I am and where I came from. As a result, I find myself constantly arguing with Italians who won’t believe that I’m American.

Latest pursuits: In the bureaucratic phase of opening a business. “We need document X, Y and Z, but they can’t be obtained unless you do Q, R and S first which have to be processed simultaneously with U, V and W. Of course, I’m so overworked and still can’t make ends meet at home, so if you could contribute to my kids’ college fund I think I can guarantee you that X, Y and Z will be approved when you submit them.”

A preconceived notion about Italians/Italy that is not true: All Italian men cheat on their women. Of course, most of them talk about it and a strong majority say they do, but for the most part they aren’t willing to risk the one woman in the world who actually puts up with them in exchange for a few fleeting moments of carnal pleasure and almost none of them can afford to actually keep a mistress!

A preconceived notion about Italians/Italy that is true: It’s not what you know – it’s who you know.

Your response to the following question: “I really want to live here, but I don’t speak Italian or have a job. What do you think?”
Stay at home and be content to fantasize about how romantic your life would be in Italy. I’ve seen too many people come over here with stars in their eyes only to get back on an airplane, burst balloon in tow, before the first year is up. If you don’t speak the language, at least come armed with a job or a reason to be here, i.e., school or spouse.

How would you sum up your Italian experience in a word (and why)? Home. I love the town where I grew up and it’s a thrill for me every time I have the opportunity to go back, but my life is most definitely here and I can’t see myself living anywhere else.

Each month we introduce you to someone who has made the dream of picking up and moving to the Bel Paese a reality.
In their own words they share the good parts, the bad parts and the just plain absurd moments of day-to-day life in Italy.

Looking to move to Italy? Try the reader-recommended Survivor Package

If you live in Italy, we would love to hear your story–Contact form

ID Card:
Kate Little, 33 , originally from La Marque, Texas, USA I have a
3 1/2 year old son, William and a Milanese husband, Fabio. We live in
Monterosso al Mare, Cinque Terre. We own FAST (a caf?/bar), TONNO SUBITO (a
fishing shop), and my baby, Fishnet Internet Lounge. I have a noncommercial
info site about the Cinque Terre at www.fishnet.it and my email is
kate@fishnet.it

Currently living In: Monterosso al Mare, Cinque Terre, Italy.

By way of: I lived in London for a couple of years after high school- working and going to school.

How (or why) did you get here from there?
By chance.. I was 19 when 2 friends and I decided to hitchhike across southern Europe. We came to the Cinque Terre with during Easter 1989 and then again with one friend in June 1989. By chance, that June there was a train strike and our Interrail passes expired. My friend had to go back to London to school so we pooled our leftover cash and sent her back. I stayed on in Monterosso, moved in with a local fishing family and earned money by baby-sitting and fishing. By the time that I had made enough money to leave, I didn’t want to go. In 1990 the Legge Martelli came out (an amnesty law for
non-European citizens living Italy) and allowed me to have residency, health coverage, working papers, etc. and so I started working around town. I went to Siena and Florence to study Italian and then started really integrating myself in the culture. I started going out with Fabio in 1992 and then…the
rest is history.

What role did language skills play in your expat experience?
The main reason for applying myself to learn Italian was to communicate with the people that had shown me so much kindness and generosity in my first months here. I had no previous knowledge of Italian but, with my base of scholastic Spanish, I found it fairly easy to learn. At the time that I ‘moved’ here, barely anyone spoke English in Monterosso. Therefore it ended up being a do-or- die situation. The funny thing is that before learning real Italian, I learned the local dialect without even realizing it. Eventually, upon getting together with my future husband, I needed to work on perfecting my Italian language skills in order to avoid miscommunications. It has always been an ordeal involving trial and error — a lot of inventing words on my part — but, as they say in Italian, “sbagliando, si impara” (by making mistakes, one learns).

Your biggest challenge: First and foremost, the bureaucracy — the catch 22s — the general big mess of trying to get anything done. A close second would be the problems involved with ‘shaking’ the classic American mentality, learning to relax and enjoy the day as well as not getting too stressed when things don’t go as I plan or would like them to go.

What did you do to feel at home or adapt here?
I get regular shipments of Reese’s peanut butter cups from the states. I also have a VCR that works with US cassettes as well as European ones. That way I can bring over my favorite ‘comfort’ movies in English.
I bring LOTS of stuff back from the States each time I go; food (tortillas, ancho peppers, hot sauce), books, cooking equipment, cook books, the toothbrush that I like, medicines. The Internet is fantastic — I can read Texas Monthly and CNN and keep up with popular culture. I am very fortunate as well because my family and friends come and visit me regularly and I am able to travel back to Texas at least once a year. The people in Monterosso have accepted my ‘funny’ ways and now look forward to Easter egg hunts or crazy birthday parties for my son. I order from Amazon.co.uk a few times a year- they are extremely prompt about sending things to Italy.

What do you still have to get used to/learn?
‘Le solite italianate’ of not being able to get anything done when you want it done, or even worse- thinking that FINALLY you’ve gotten something right and then you find out that one document’s missing or you have missed the deadline.

Compare an aspect (or aspects) of your home town (or other place you’ve lived) to current town.
I grew up in Galveston Texas, a typical seaside surfer town. The attitude there was very laid back and oriented around the outdoors, as it is here. In Texas though, life revolves around your car and air conditioning, two things that are unheard of in the culture here. It goes without saying that to get anything done in America , from getting a marriage license to finding a pork loin is way easier than it is in Monterosso. Housing in the Cinque Terre is a nightmare, an expensive nightmare at that, whereas in Galveston, they literally throw houses at you.

Latest pursuits:
Right now my husband and I are starting to form a tour agency kind of thing. We already offer kayak and walking tours and want to add scuba diving and complete packages. (Keep checking www.fishnet.it for updates) The bureaucracy is nuts, you need permits for everything and anything. I am also on the town activity board and that’s equally a mess — permits, taxes and documents here there and everywhere. I want to have another child eventually. That’s in the plans when we are able to find a bigger house — right now we are 3 in a bedroom! That’s Monterosso for you.

A preconceived notion about Italians/Italy that is not true:
Italians are a kind and generous population but, contrary to popular belief, they are gossipy and spiteful when they want to be. My easy-open American personality has definitely been modified by trusting the ‘wrong’ people. I am sure that this is just a small town phenomena but it certainly was against my preconception of the classic Italian.

A preconceived notion about Italians/Italy that is true:
Loving children — since my son was born, I’ve realized how much Italians adore children. I wouldn’t live anywhere else with my son now just because he is treated like royalty by everyone he comes across. He is welcome everywhere and everyone, anyplace, has something to give or share with him. He has experienced love and trust in a rare way and I would never take that away from him. The Italians are very physical and very quick to show their affection. Just as they are rapid in showing their distaste in something (which I often view as tactlessness), they are open in showing their pleasure and love for any and every child.

Your response/advice/warning to the following question: “I love Italy! I really want to live here, even though I don’t speak Italian or have a job.”
Hmmm. It takes a special person to move to Italy. Especially if you are North American and used to the efficiency and opportunities available there. If you don’t speak Italian, everything could seem great until you hit the bureaucratic barrier. After that, nothing seems like it will ever go right.
I generally discourage people from selling everything to move over unless they are very young or very rich. Italy is a fantastic place to live but it is also extremely difficult. It seems that most people I know that live here indefinitely had their ‘move’ happen by chance, without really realizing it (not unlike myself). I’d tell people who are very convinced that Italy is the country for them to come over for a while – try it- work a little bit ‘in nero’ (without papers), get a taste of life and then decide. I know that I’ve considered abandoning ship many a time. It could be quite a disappointment for someone who is expecting paradise to find out that they are in the extreme opposite of fully-functional America.

How would you sum up your Italian experience in a word (and why)?
Infatuation. Something new and unexpected is always around the corner.

Italy’s best kept secret
Sardegna. Foreign tourists rarely make it over there. It is uncrowded, unspoiled and relatively inexpensive. The beaches are lovely, the people are friendly and the food is great.

Each month we introduce you to someone who has made the dream of picking up and moving to the Bel Paese a reality.
In their own words they share the good parts, the bad parts and the just plain absurd moments of day-to-day life in Italy.

Looking to move to Italy? Try the reader-recommended Survivor Package
Contact form

ID Card:
Dan DeFebbo; Profession – Telecommunications Sales Engineer.
email: miticodan@yahoo.com I’ve lived in Italy (this time) since 1998.

Currently living in: Como, Lombardia

By way of: Raleigh, North Carolina

How (or why) did you get here from there?
I grew up as a Navy brat. One of my father’s assignments was Naples when I was 15. I lived in Naples from 1975 to 1978 and fell in love with Italy. I loved it so much I came back in the US Army and was stationed just south of Venice for about 18 months in 1980.
I had always kept my eyes open for an expat position with my company in the US but nothing ever opened up. Then, in 1998, I found out about an internal position in Milan and jumped on the opportunity so I packed up my wife and two kids (ages 4 and 6) and headed to Italy. We decided early on not to live in Milan because it’s too dirty and after 3 years living in a suburb of Como, we moved into the pedestrian zone in the center.

What role did language skills play in your experience?
When I arrived, I spoke some Neapolitan dialect I had learned 20 years prior. It was funny because I arrived in Milan speaking like a street urchin from Naples. It was very amusing for Italians to see me, a very American-looking person, speaking dialect. Over the past 4 years, however, I have pretty much picked up a northern accent and speak much better. I can’t imagine surviving without speaking the language at least at the level where I could buy bread. I don’t feel like it is necessary to be fluent but you have to have a place where you can start.
My wife has had a difficult time learning the language which surprised me. In 1991, she took an intensive course and got along well when we came here for our honeymoon but this time around she struggles. She’s very smart but just hasn’t gotten the hang of it after 4 years. My kids went straight into Italian school without any problems not speaking a word and are fully fluent at this point.

Your biggest challenge:
Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. I bore all my friends with horror stories about the questura here in Como. They are particularly unhelpful.

What did you do to feel at home or adapt here?
I have a couple of sources for American groceries here in Europe and have a constant stream of visitors who smuggle me stuff like brown sugar. Not so important for me because I prefer Italian food anyway, but the kids like to have peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies from time to time. My one necessity is underarm antiperspirant. For some reason, in Italy they only sell deodorant so I have to prevail on friends to help me keep my armpits dry.

What do you still have to get used to/learn?
I don’t write in Italian very well although my reading comprehension is very good. I don’t think I will ever get used to stores without parking, shops being closed for lunch, people passing you in a dangerous way just to cut you off to exit the highway, “colpo di freddo” rules, bad Mexican food, and the dreaded questura.

Compare an aspect of your home town (or other place you’ve lived) to current town.
In North Carolina, you have to drive everywhere. Even to pop down to the store for a quart of milk you have to fire up the SUV or minivan (per forza). In Como, I park my car on Friday after work and don’t touch it again until Monday morning. I live in a pedestrian zone so everything is within easy reach either on foot or by bike. I don’t know of anyplace in the US where you can do that.

Latest pursuits:
I try to take the family someplace every weekend. I would venture to say that we are out exploring Italy 30 weekends a year. Lately, I stayed in an agriturismo in the Chianti region, spend a couple of days on the beach in Liguria, visited London on a very cheap airfare, and visited France.

A preconceived notion about Italians/Italy that is not true:
Italian are fat.

A preconceived notion about Italians/Italy that is true:
The food is wonderful, the scenery is breathtaking, art and history abound.

Your response to the following question: “I really want to live here, but I don’t speak Italian or have a job. What do you think?”
Get a skill that is not very common in Italy (technical stuff) and learn the language. With a combination of those two things, you can easily find a job that pays fairly well. Lower your expectations as far as the size of your apartment and kitchen goes. Without a work permit, things can be pretty difficult.

How would you sum up your Italian experience in a word (and why)?
Casa. I feel more at home here than any place on earth.

Italy’s best kept secret (music, culture, food, way to get round things)
Sfursat wine from the Valtellina region around Sondrio on the swiss border.